I’m going to show you something miraculous. Are you ready for it? Here it is!
Do you see that? Yes, there’s Hawk playing with Play-Doh and a Nerf gun… but beside him- there is Seth. And he is writing a book! The book is a gift for a friend in his class at school. I have to tell you now why this is a miracle: Seth hates to write. He’d do almost anything to get out of having to use a pencil! But finally, something in him is changing, and he is willing to overcome the discomfort in order to make art and express love to a friend. My mama heart is full of joy!
This past month, since we made the decision to put Seth in public school, has been hard on our family. At first, my kiddo was so excited to begin school. But after only a few days, he began to cry every morning and every evening, begging to start homeschooling again. I shed quite a few tears as well.
Eric and I both knew the reason for his change of heart. The public school workload was a shock to his system! He’s never been expected to complete so much work in one day or to sit in his seat for so long. My heart has been so broken for him! I desperately want him to have freedom in childhood, and I envy the opportunity he’d have at home to explore whatever sparks his imagination.
My desires have been swinging back and forth over the last couple of weeks. Sometimes, I want him to come home and for us to resume our homeschool life the way it was. I regret the interruption in the middle of our year, even knowing it was needed. He needed the perspective shift and I’m glad he can see the other side clearly now, so let’s just put life back the way it was.
On the other hand, look at all this freedom I have finally for myself! I’m painting our master bedroom and reading grown-up books and writing a little something almost every day! Hawk will be old enough for preschool next year. Perhaps now is the time for me to consider going back to work, whatever that looks like. Find a job? Start a business of my own? Practice my skills and turn them into a side hustle? Writer and entrepreneur by day, mom by evening? The sky is the limit! And if I can work for pay, then our family could afford better opportunities.
Decisions are a hard, necessary part of life. We can’t make good decisions about what we want for our family without involving the God Who made and purposed us in the process.
I have prayed and prayed, and I felt no clear answer right away. Eric and I put our heads together and agreed that we will bring Seth home around Christmas, if he still wants that. Rather than pull him out as soon as he felt uncomfortable, we knew it was very important for him to have a lesson in perseverance. Even though he’s not been happy with the change, he needs to stick it out longer than he thinks he can and allow himself to be made stronger.
Now that it’s been several weeks, Seth seems to be warming up to his new school life. He brings home finished math worksheets that I know would have taken him days to complete on my watch, but he did them in one sitting for his new teacher. He’s able to focus on reading for longer periods of time than he did before, and he’s recognizing more challenging words in the texts that he reads.
He’s more excited about the things that are happening in his class, and I can see him really blooming in ways he never did at home. It pains me to admit, but maybe public school is going to be really good for him. Perhaps my desire to keep homeschooling him is selfish, because I’ve found my identity in the homeschool community and I don’t want to lose that!
Seth told me last week that he wants to stay in school now. A day later, he was crying on my shoulder again, but by the next afternoon his attitude had shifted yet again. It seems now that he is leaning more towards staying in public school. I really don’t know what he will want come Christmas, and I’ve decided that I’ll have to be ok with that! Obviously I’m not the only one whose heart has gone back and forth on the matter, but I know there is One who knows the best choice for my child.
Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.’ (Isaiah 46:9-10)
The Scriptures say that God knows the way things will turn out, and His purpose will stand. This verse is talking about God’s handle on the scope of all human history, but He is also intimately concerned with the minutiae of our everyday lives. We can’t see what is coming, but the Lord has known His plan for our families before He even made any of us!
Are you facing a decision for your family? God sees what is to come, and if you ask for His guidance, the way will be made clear for you. I really believe that God works by shaping the very desires of our heart to match His hopes for us, when we really trust in Him. Remember that He does not withhold wisdom from those who ask for it! (See: James 1:5, Matthew 7:7, 1 Kings 3:5-14)
“Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand,” says Proverbs 19:21. I want to build my family’s future on the foundation that will stand, and not on my own wisdom! Obviously my plans are fickle, so I’ve decided that I will not make any plans in this matter. Instead, I want God to counsel my heart and the heart of my children. If He is calling me to something outside of homeschooling my kids, then I want to lay that desire down and let Him have His way with me.
God knows what is best for you and your family, so let Him direct your decisions. The human heart is fickle, but God’s way is always steadfast and right! You might be surprised when He makes you want the very thing you’ve never wanted before.